What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 02:23
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What are some very specific groups of people you just cannot stand?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why are American women so ugly nowadays?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My family never makes their pension either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My friend asked my crush and he said my crush hates me but not in a rude way. What does that mean?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
What are some questions obviously just asked for sexual gratification?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What is truer than that which is true?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why do I smell bad even though I have good hygiene?
(And it was in our own minds.)
We were not on the streets..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Is anal sex allowed in Islam? It's not written anywhere in the Quran whether it's forbidden or not.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i do to all so called friends.?
What are some ballbusting stories?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So whats the point in blame.
Why is the band Nickelback unliked so much?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was very sick at this time too.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I have no regrets .
We all went to grammer schools
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It was going to be , some day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I said to her
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So, i spoilt her more .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I will be 64.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Would this be the day?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I waited trembling.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She loved him until the end.
She married twice! .
Was to survive, this bastard.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
All the time i was locked up.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Put me off passion for life!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I don,t even have a pension.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I write beautiful poetry .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
This is soul school!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Comes on , in middle age.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She found it foreign!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
What did i know ?
He knew the spot.
I was scared of men, in general
But it wasn’t much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She wouldn,t have been !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I think the readers, may guess!
I was 9 years of age.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And i lived it daily.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But ive been too sick for many years..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im still living with it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Ive learnt so much.
I was seconnd youngest,
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was in good health!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My life is so biszare .
One cannot live in the past .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Who then, do I blame.?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
When she asked me how she looked .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.